Reality:
I am truly and absolutely 100% Korean, and I am also 100% American.
Yet I am rarely 100% Korean enough, and I am so often not 100% American enough.
Therein lies the reality for many transnational and/or transracial adoptees.
Breaking it down:
I'm 100% Korean. I mean, look at me. I'm Korean. Don't tell me you're colorblind and didn't even notice.
I'm also 100% American. I've lived in the States for 97% of my life and have the citizenship papers and cultural experiences to prove it.
However, I'm rarely Korean enough when in the company of non-adopted Koreans (I still need a translator, don't know enough about cultural norms, absolutely don't taken in enough gochujang, and didn't grow up with Korean parents)...
And I'm certainly often not American enough to satisfy those around me (strangers compliment my spoken English, point out the shape of my eyes, see me as fresh off the boat, or make both hurtful assumptions about my personality or intelligence based on my appearance).
Both / and.
Neither / nor.
Days and weeks go by when I don't give much thought to this reality or unique aspect of who I am.
It just is what it is.
But then something is said or done, and my reality of being both/and AND neither/nor smacks me in the face.
Sometimes the face-smack is just whatever and worthy of an eye-roll, sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's laughable, and sometimes it's maddening.
But in understanding and supporting this reality for me and for my fellow transnational and/or transracial adoptees:
... let's simply acknowledge this tension and way of life
... let's understand it's not something that needs fixing or romanticizing or sympathy
... let's not draw boxes around the way adoptees self-identity
... let's allow adoptees to change their perspectives as they age and develop and as experiences are lived out
... let's not be afraid of an adoptee's reality and feelings but simply listen and see the complexities
... let's recognize there is nothing wrong with this reality -- it's inherent in being an adopted person
... let's trust that adoptees feel and experience and even choose to verbalize this kind of stuff at various rates and levels and for various reasons
... let's not pretend that this reality doesn't matter
... let's not assume that this reality is the only part of an adoptee's identity
... let's believe it's not something to just "get over" or something that "ends"
Hmm. But wait a moment... am I truly and absolutely 100% Korean?
I will probably never ever for certain know.
But I'm absolutely 100% going with it.
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